44 Original Funny Accountant Jokes

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Here at the alternative accountant we write new and original jokes.

Help yourself to the jokes below (with acknowledgement, please!) and lighten up a speech or presentation or just have a laugh and make the working day pass quicker.

"Dear aa,     Know any new accountant jokes? I've got to give a presentation to the team and want to lighten things up but don't want to trot out the same old jokes as last time."

Major Control-Weakness, CFO

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Joke 44:  What's the biggest event on an accountant's social calendar?
Grey Pride. (the aa.com)

Joke 43:  Why didn't the selfish accountant's journal balance?
She took all the credit. (the aa.com)

Joke 42:  What's a CPA's favourite Beatles' song ?
Penny Lane. (the aa.com)

Joke 41:  Have you heard the accounting frog ?
Debit, Credit. Debit, Credit.  Debit, Credit. (the aa.com)

Joke 40:  What do trainee CPAs do between leaving college and starting work ?
Take a GAAP year.   (the aa.com)

Joke 39:  What's a commercial accountant's idea of a bargain ?
A Discounted Cash Flow.   (the aa.com)

Joke 38:  Over what period are Zombies depreciated?
Useful Economic Death.   (the aa.com)

Joke 37: What does an accountant say when boarding a train?
'Mind the GAAP'.  (the aa.com)

Joke 36: Why was the accountant in rehab?
Solvency abuse.

Joke 35: What music is played at a financial accountant's retirement party?
The Last Post.

Joke 34: Accounting for Dummies. What's the big deal?
Cr. Cash  Dr. Dummies. Simple.

Joke 33: What's an accountant's favourite book?
50 Shades of Grey.

Joke 32: What's grey on the inside and red on the outside?
An accountant turned inside out.

Joke 31: What's grey and not there?
An accountant on vacation.

Joke 30: Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant?
He got his client's charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.

Joke 29: Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
She charges an arm and a leg.

Joke 28: Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
For buttering up her clients.

Joke 27: Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant?
She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.

Joke 26: How did the blonde CFO die?
She electrocuted herself using Powerpoint.

Joke 25: Why did the Irish bookkeeper go bust?
A library opened next door.

Joke 24: Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burnt his office down trying to cook the books.

Joke 23 : Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
No. Me neither.

Joke 22: What do you call an accountant who says he's posted a one-sided journal?
A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can't happen! Can it??!!

Joke 21 : What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
An auditor.

For some accountants a career move into stand-up comedy is a natural progression...

More accountant jokes...

Joke 20: Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical?
They have strong Internal Controls.

Joke 19: What's the closest accountants gets to having an orgy?
Group Accounting.

Joke 18: Which clients do short accountants like best?
Small businesses.

Joke 17: What disease kills more accountants than any other?

Joke 16: What do you call an accountant who can't account?
An ant.

Joke 15: What do you call an accountant who can't count?
An acant.

Joke 14: What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.

Joke 13: Receptionist: "There's an invisible client in reception".
Accountant: "Tell them I'm sorry but I can't see them today."

Joke 12: Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."

Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like double entry."

Joke 11: The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.

Joke 10: What did the accountant do to liven up the office party?
Not show up.

Joke 9: "Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on".

Even more accountant jokes...

Joke 8: What do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch, takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and leaves every night after 10pm?
Work shy.

Joke 7: How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.

Joke 6: What happens when you lock a wild hyena and an accountant in a room?
The hyena stops laughing.

Joke 5: Did you know that 10 out of 9 accountants can't count?

Joke 4: What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?
A very late night.

Joke 3: A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep. On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.
"Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof", barks Spot.

Joke 2: How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net present Value.

Joke 1: What's the biggest overhead in Santa's accounts?
Private elf Insurance.

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