37 Funny Accountant Jokes
Here at the alternative accountant we write new and original jokes. Help yourself to the jokes below and lighten up a speech or presentation or just have a laugh and make the working day pass quicker.
"Dear aa, Know any new accountant jokes? I've got to give a presentation to the team and want to lighten things up but don't want to trot out the same old jokes as last time."
Major Control-Weakness, CFO
Joke 37: What does an accountant say when boarding a train?
Joke 36: Why was the accountant in rehab?
Joke 35: What music is played at a financial accountant's retirement party?
Joke 34: Accounting for Dummies. What's the big deal?
Joke 33: What's an accountant's favourite book?
Joke 32: What's grey on the inside and red on the outside?
Joke 31: What's grey and not there?
Joke 30: Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant?
Joke 29: Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
Joke 28: Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
Joke 27: Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant?
Joke 26: How did the blonde CFO die?
Joke 25: Why did the Irish bookkeeper go bust?
Joke 24: Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
Joke 23 : Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
Joke 22: What do you call an accountant who says he's posted a one-sided journal?
Joke 21 : What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
For some accountants a career move into stand-up comedy is a natural progression...
Joke 20: Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical?
They have strong Internal Controls.
Joke 19: What's the closest accountants gets to having an orgy?
Joke 18: Which clients do short accountants like best?
Joke 17: What disease kills more accountants than any other?
Joke 16: What do you call an accountant who can't account?
Joke 15: What do you call an accountant who can't count?
Joke 14: What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.
Joke 13: Receptionist: "There's an invisible client in reception".
Accountant: "Tell them I'm sorry but I can't see them today."
Joke 12: Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like double entry."
Joke 11: The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.
Joke 10: What did the accountant do to liven up the office party?
Not show up.
Joke 9: "Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on".
Joke 8: What
do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch,
takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and
leaves every night after 10pm?
Joke 7: How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.
Joke 6: What happens when you lock a wild hyena and an accountant in a room?
The hyena stops laughing.
Joke 5: Did you know that 10 out of 9 accountants can't count?
Joke 4: What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?
A very late night.
Joke 3: A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep. On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.
"Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof", barks Spot.
Joke 2: How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net present Value.
Joke 1: What's the biggest overhead in Santa's accounts?
Private elf Insurance.