New Accountant Jokes
"Know any new accountant jokes? I've got to give a presentation to the team and want to lighten things up but don't want to trot out the same old jokes as last time."
Major Control-Weakness, CFO
Help yourself to the jokes below and lighten up a speech or presentation or just to have a laugh and make the working day pass quicker.
Laugh: finance review the budget submission from the marketing team
Joke: Accounting for Dummies. What's the big deal?
Cr. Cash Dr. Dummy. Simple.
Joke: What's an accountant's favourite book?
50 Shades of Grey.
Joke: What's grey on the inside and red on the outside?
An accountant turned inside out.
Joke: What's grey and not there?
An accountant on vacation.
Joke: Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant?
He got his client's charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.
Joke: Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
She charges an arm and a leg.
Joke: Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
For buttering up her clients.
Joke: Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant?
She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.
Joke How did the blonde CFO die?
She electrocuted herself using Powerpoint.
Joke: Why did the Irish bookkeeper go bust?
A library opened next door.
Joke: Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burnt his office down trying to cook the books.
Joke : Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
No. Me neither.
Joke : What do you call an accountant who says he's posted a one-sided journal?
A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can't happen! Can it??!!
Joke : What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
Joke: Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical?
They have strong Internal Controls.
Joke: What's the closest accountants gets to having an orgy?
Joke: Which clients do short accountants like best?
Joke: What disease kills more accountants than any other?
Joke: What do you call an accountant who can't account?
Joke: What do you call an accountant who can't count?
Joke: What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.
Joke: Receptionist: "There's an invisible client in reception".
Accountant: "Tell them I'm sorry but I can't see them today."
Joke: Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."
Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like double entry."
Joke: The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.
Joke: What did the accountant do to liven up the office party?
Not show up.
Joke: "Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on".
do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch,
takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and
leaves every night after 10pm?
Joke: How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.
Joke: What happens when you lock a wild hyena and an accountant in a room?
The hyena stops laughing.
Joke: Did you know that 10 out of 9 accountants can't count?
Joke: What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?
A very late night.
Joke: A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep. On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.
"Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof", barks Spot.
Joke: How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net present Value.
Joke: What's the biggest overhead in Santa's accounts?
Private elf Insurance.