New Accounting and Accountant Jokes!

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"Know any new accounting jokes? I've got to give a presentation to the team and want to lighten things up but don't want to trot out the same old jokes as last time."

Major Control-Weakness, CFO

Help yourself to the jokes listed below and lighten up a speech or presentation or just make the working day pass quicker!

See also: More Accountant Jokes; Audit Jokes; Tax Jokes

New Accounting and Accountant Jokes:

Types of Accountant

Joke: What's grey on the inside and red on the outside?
An accountant turned inside out.

Joke: What's grey and not there?
An accountant on vacation.

Joke: Did you hear about the deviant Forensic Accountant?
He got his client's charges reduced from gross indecency to net indecency.

Joke: Did you hear about the cannibal CPA?
She charges an arm and a leg.

Joke: Did you hear about the blonde Management Accountant?
She went to see her fitness trainer to talk about stretch targets.

Joke How did the blonde CFO die?
She electrocuted herself using Powerpoint.

Joke: Why did the Irish bookkeeper go bust?
A library opened next door.

Joke: Did you hear about the fraudulent Irish Finance Director?
He burnt his office down trying to cook the books.

Joke : What do you call a Group Financial Controller who's lost his job?

Joke : Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?
No. Me neither.

Joke : What do you call an accountant who says he's posted a one-sided journal?
A liar!! Under Sarbox rules it just can't happen! Can it??!!

Joke : What do you call an accountant with an opinion?
An auditor.

Accountant and CPA Exams

Joke: What is the 1 Golden Rule for passing Accounting exams?
Don't make any silly mistrakes!

Accountant Behaviour

Joke: Why are accountants always so calm, composed and methodical?
They have strong Internal Controls.

Joke: What's the closest accountants gets to having an orgy?
Group Accounting.

Joke: Which clients do short accountants like best?
Small businessmen.

Joke: What disease kills more accountants than any other?

Joke: What do you call an accountant who can't account?
An ant.

Joke: What do you call an accountant who can't count?
An acant.

Joke: What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.

Joke: Receptionist: "There's an invisible client in reception".
Accountant: "Tell them I'm sorry but I can't see them today."

Joke: Patient: "Hello, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Goodbye."
30 seconds later... "Hello again, doctor. Please help. I just don't know what's wrong with me."

Doctor: "Mmm. Sounds like double entry."

Joke: The are just 2 rules for creating a successful accountancy business:
1. Don't tell them everything you know.

Joke: What does an accountant do to liven up an office party?
Not show up.

Joke: "Doctor, doctor, I've taken the medicine you prescribed but it's not working. What should I do?"
"Try using your calculator."
"How will that help?"
"I'm not sure, but it's something you can count on".

Joke: What do you call a Financial Controller who always works through lunch, takes 2 days holiday every 2 years, is in the office every weekend and leaves every night after 10pm?
Work shy and a skiver.

Joke: How do you know when an accountant's having a mid-life crisis?
He gets a faster calculator.

Joke: What happens when you lock a wild hyena and an accountant in a room?
The hyena stops laughing.

Joke: Did you know that 10 out of 9 accountants can't count?


Joke: What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?
A late night.

Joke: A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep. On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.
"Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof", barks Spot.


Joke: How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh?
Net PRESENT Value.

Joke: What's the biggest overhead in Santa's accounts?
Private ELF Insurance.

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