27 Alternative and Real-Life Accountant Quotes
"I am pleased to announce that our results are very much in line with Plan. All we have to do now is find out what the Plan was."
Max Profits, CFO
ACCOUNTANTS' utterances can be potentially profound, almost memorable and even marginally motivational!
Here are some of the more enlightened to give you a lift through the working day.
Quote 13: "In the beginning God created man...and the costs followed afterwards." - anon
Quote 12: "Only accountants can save the world - through peace, goodwill and reconciliations." - the alternative accountant
Quote 11: "I'm An Accounting Celebrity!...Leave Me In Here...It's Month End!." - an Accounting Celebrity
Quote 10: "Month end is approaching - Keep calm and carry on accounting" Traditional.
Quote 9: "I am pleased to announce that our results are very much in line with Plan. All we have to do now is find out what the Plan was." Max Profits, CFO
Quote 8: "And God said to Accountants: - Go Fourth and Multiply." CFO, the aa
Quote 7: "A good accountant never makes mistrakes."
Quote 6: "And who said accountants don't have a sense of humor? - late nights; weekend working; endless reconciliations; no lunch break; month end; year end; dealing with auditors; taking the blame; exams; CPD......" - name and address supplied
Quote 5: "There are 3 types of accountant - those that can count and those that can't." Ex-employee - the alternative accountant
Quote 4: "In our opinion there are just 3 types of auditor - those whose opinion you can rely on, and those whose opinion you can't." - the auditors (ex), the aa
Quote 3: "There is just 1 rule for creating a successful accountancy business:
-1. Don't tell them everything you know." - an unhelpful competitor
Quote 2: "10 out of 9 accountants can't count!" the alternative accountant
Quote 1: "There was a small typo in our Half-Year Results Statement: For 'profit' please read 'loss'. " Statement to Stock Exchange, CFO (Ex), the aa.
Quote 14: “When are those shirkers in IT going to sort this sodding system out?” John T, Management Accountant
Quote 13: “If you think I'm coming in to work the weekend because of all those work-shys in Accounts Payable then you can think again!” John T, Management Accountant
Quote 12: “Does anybody know how to change the ruddy toner cartridge in this poxy printer?” Steve M, Assistant Financial Controller
Quote 11: “Now the sodding copier's jammed. Anybody know how to unjam it?” Steve M, Assistant Financial Controller
Quote 10: “New finance process? Whatever it is, it's not going to work. ” Dismal Dave, Accounts Payable Manager
Quote 9: “They tried that one last time. It didn't work” Dismal Dave, Accounts Payable Manager
Quote 8: “Or that.” Dismal Dave, Accounts Payable Manager
Quote 7: “Aaagh! How many times do I have to tell those clodhopping cretins in marketing not to code Purchase Orders to that account!” John T, Management Accountant
Quote 6: “Goodnight Finance. Have a nice weekend. Don't work too late!” Marketing executive
Quote 5: “Goodnight. Have a nice weekend. Please could you turn the lights off when you go.” Office cleaner, Financial Controller's Office
Quote 4: “You still here? Good night. Have a nice weekend. Don't forget to set the alarm.” Night security guard, Financial Controller's Office
Quote 3: “Anybody seen last month's Journal file? I bet those jobsworth auditors have still got it.” John T, Management Accountant
Quote 2: “............................?!!...........?!” Month end, the Finance team
Quote 1: “......................???!!!!.......................!@###!!!................!!!!????###@@!!!......” Year end, the Finance team