your monthly funny accounting horoscope

What does the accounting future hold? Find out with our very own legendary numerate mystic......


ZODANTM
...the mysterious accounting one*
SPEAKS April

*ZODAN is our very own Nigel from Accounts Payable. In his spare time he likes to dabble in the darker side of double-entry, including trying his hand at the accounting horoscope.....


ARIES(Mar21-Apr20)
ZODAN says: It CANNOT be ! The accounting one from the dark side is here. STAY INDOORS. LOCK ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS. DO NOT VENTURE INTO THE GARDEN. PHONE IN SICK. Zodan is scared.
TAURUS(Apr21-May21)
ZODAN says: Food planet Neptune is crossing your health chart. Romance beckons at the machine that dispenses snacks. Go there now and press number 4. You will need change. Zodan has spoken.
GEMINI(May22-Jun22)
ZODAN says: Letters ‘C’ and ‘V’ have meaning. The voices are whispering: ‘You are a team player with a can-do attitude and hands-on approach’. Go to the machine that copies. Leave nothing behind. Zodan has spoken.
CANCER(Jun23-Jul22)
ZODAN says: Venus and Mars are both rising across your chart. It is a time of heady optimism. Approach your line manager now. But wait ! The letter ‘P’ and number '45' may have significance. Tread carefully. Zodan has spoken.
LEO(Jul23-Aug23)
ZODAN says: Pluto, the planet of proverbs, is dominant. I see a cauldron and men with tall hats. There are too many of them ! Run now to the kitchen before lunch is spoiled. Zodan is peckish.
VIRGO(Aug24-Sep22)
ZODAN says: Zodan is stumped on this one. Nothing on the charts. No planets. No voices. Not a sausage. Sorry about this. Zodan has apologised.

the alternative accountant - funny accounting horoscope with Zodan

LIBRA(Sep23-Oct23)
ZODAN says: Jargon planet Earth is upping the ante. It is mission critical that you circle back around and move forward. But watch your head! There are low-hanging fruit! Don’t look at me. I only pass on what I am told. Zodan is confused.
SCORPIO(Oct24-Nov22)
ZODAN says: You are being drawn to a place where fire, smoke and ash are made. I see slaves standing in groups and sharing stories of long ago. You will come to harm. You must resist. Zodan has spoken.
SAGITTARIUS(Nov23-Dec21)
ZODAN says: Commuting planet Saturn is dominant. I foresee a long snake of red lights shimmering into the distant darkness. Quick, you must go. You can make up those few minutes tomorrow. Zodan has spoken.
CAPRICORN(Dec22-Jan20)
ZODAN says: Saturn and Venus are crossing in your fourth quadrant. The voices are chanting ‘VOLLA VOLLA UMM’. It is getting louder. Now the swirling mists are flooded with a blue light. Crikey. Any ideas ? Zodan is learning.
AQUARIUS(Jan21-Feb18)
ZODAN says: Someone is trying to get a message to you. They cannot get through. The voice is getting more desperate. Please turn off your voicemail and pick up the phone. Thank you. Zodan has spoken.
PISCES(Feb19-Mar20)
ZODAN says: The sacred pool is showing me this is a week of foreboding. Remember that profitability report Zodan provided wisdom for and you submitted to Senior Management? THUNDER AND LIGHTNING. It is WRONG! Zodan feels sick.

the alternative accountant - funny accounting horoscope with Zodan


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