"Father! Father! Do you know any olde accounting jokes to cheer us up?"
Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol (1843)
EVERYBODY KNOWS that accountants love a good joke! After all, what other profession would self-inflict late-nights, weekend working and outrageous deadlines, month-in, month-out, year after year, century after century? Exactly. None!
No surprise, then, that our infamous Jokes & Humour Team are pooling their pitiful resources with those of an infamous market research agency to build a library of the best, rarest and most original audit tax and accounting jokes!
Joke 1: What is an accountant? Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand at a price you can't afford.
Joke 2: What is the definition of an introverted accountant? Someone who stares at their shoes when talking to you.
Joke 3: What is the definition of an extroverted accountant? Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
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Joke 4: There are 3 types of accountant Those who can count and those who can't.
Joke 5: What's a shy and retiring accountant? One that's half-a-million shy and that's why he's retiring.
Joke 6: Did you hear about the constipated CFO? He couldn't budget with his calculator so he had to work it out with a pencil and paper.
Joke 7: What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.
Joke 8: What do you call an accountant without a calculator? Lonely.
Accountant behaviour
Joke 1: What do accountants do to liven up their office party ? Invite a funeral director.
Joke 2: How was copper wire invented? 2 accountants were arguing over a penny.
Joke 3: How does an accountant trash his/her hotel room? By refusing to fill in the Guest Comment Card.
Joke 4: Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear causal clothes to work.
Cheeky accounting tops!
Grill the auditors at home
Happy Birthday!
Joke 5: How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.
Joke 6: What does an accountant's husband ask his wife when he can't get to sleep? "Tell me about your day, dear."
Joke 7: A woman went to the doctor who told her she only had 6 months to live. "Oh my God!" said the woman. "What shall I do?" "Marry an accountant," suggested the doctor. "Why?" asked the woman. "Will that make me live longer?" "No," replied the doctor. "But it will SEEM longer."
Joke 8: An accountant was having difficulty trying to sleep and went to the dcotor. "Have you tried counting sheep?" asked the doctor. "That's the problem," replied the accountant. "I make a mistake and then spend 6 hours trying to find it".
Accountants and Other Professions
Joke 1: What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour.
Joke 2: How do actuaries spice up their office parties? They invite an accountant.
Insolvency
Joke 1: What is the definition of an insolvency practitioner? Someone who arrives after the battle, bayonets all the wounded, pawns their possessions and charges their time to the relatives.
EVERYBODY KNOWS that accountants love a good joke! After all, what other profession would self-inflict late-nights, weekend working and outrageous deadlines, month-in, month-out, year after year, century after century? Exactly. None!
