27 Alternative and Real-Life Accounting Quotes

Home  > Accounting Humor  > Accounting Quotes


ACCOUNTANTS' utterances can be potentially profound, almost memorable and even marginally motivational!

Here are some of the more enlightened to give you a lift through the working day .

"I am pleased to announce that our results are very much in line with Plan. All we have to do now is find out what the Plan was."

Max Profits, CFO

> Accounting Puns

Accounting Jokes


13 Alternative Accounting Quotes

Quote 13: "In the beginning God created man...and the costs followed afterwards." - anon

Quote 12: "Only accountants can save the world - through peace, goodwill and reconciliations." - the alternative accountant

Quote 11: "I'm An Accounting Celebrity!...Leave Me In Here...It's Month End!." - an Accounting Celebrity

Quote 10: "Month end is approaching - Keep calm and carry on accounting" Traditional.

Quote 9: "I am pleased to announce that our results are very much in line with Plan. All we have to do now is find out what the Plan was."   Max Profits, CFO

Quote 8: "And God said to Accountants: - Go Fourth and Multiply."   CFO, the aa

More accounting quotes...

Quote 7: "A good accountant never makes mistrakes."

Quote 6: "And who said accountants don't have a sense of humor? - late nights; weekend working; endless reconciliations; no lunch break; month end; year end; dealing with auditors; taking the blame; exams; CPD......" - name and address supplied

Quote 5: "There are 3 types of accountant - those that can count and those that can't." Ex-employee - the alternative accountant

Quote 4: "In our opinion there are just 3 types of auditor - those whose opinion you can rely on, and those whose opinion you can't." -  the auditors (ex), the aa

Quote 3: "There is just 1 rule for creating a successful accountancy business:
-1. Don't tell them everything you know."  -
an unhelpful competitor

Quote 2: "10 out of 9 accountants can't count!" the alternative accountant

Quote 1: "There was a small typo in our Half-Year Results Statement: For 'profit' please read 'loss'. "   Statement to Stock Exchange, CFO (Ex), the aa.


14 Real-Life Accounting Quotes

Quote 14:  “When are those shirkers in IT going to sort this sodding system out?”     John T, Management Accountant

Quote 13:  “If you think I'm coming in to work the weekend because of all those work-shys in Accounts Payable then you can think again!”   John T, Management Accountant

Quote 12:  “Does anybody know how to change the ruddy toner cartridge in this poxy printer?”  Steve M, Assistant Financial Controller

Quote 11:  “Now the sodding copier's jammed. Anybody know how to unjam it?”    Steve M, Assistant Financial Controller

Quote 10: “New finance process? Whatever it is, it's not going to work. ”    Dismal Dave, Accounts Payable Manager

Quote 9: “They tried that one last time. It didn't work”  Dismal Dave, Accounts Payable Manager

Quote 8:  “Or that.”    Dismal Dave, Accounts Payable Manager

Quote 7:  “Aaagh! How many times do I have to tell those clodhopping cretins in marketing not to code Purchase Orders to that account!”  John T, Management Accountant

Quote 6: “Goodnight Finance. Have a nice weekend.  Don't work too late!”  Marketing executive 

Quote 5: “Goodnight. Have a nice weekend. Please could you turn the lights off when you go.”  Office cleaner, Financial Controller's Office

Quote 4:  “You still here? Good night. Have a nice weekend. Don't forget to set the alarm.”   Night security guard, Financial Controller's Office

Quote 3:   “Anybody seen last month's Journal file? I bet those jobsworth auditors have still got it.”    John T, Management Accountant

Quote 2:  “............................?!!...........?!”   Month end, the Finance team

Quote 1:  “......................???!!!!.......................!@###!!!................!!!!????###@@!!!......”    Year end,  the Finance team


Home  > Accounting Humor  > Funny Alternative Accounting Quotes