"A close-yet-colossal colleague has just had a snacks vending machine named after her in Management Accounts. I don't think she's aware of the dangers that await her or her colleagues. Is there anything I can give her to read?"
Sandra XXL, Assistant Management Accountant
The Dangers Inherent In Achieving Accounting Whopper Status
WARNING: becoming an oversized accountant is dangerous to both you and your counting colleagues.
At the alternative accountant, we believe that prevention is better than cure.
If you are considered high risk in the
accounting jumbo
stakes then you need to do everything you can to stop the inflation process in it's tracks.
To stir you into action, we've listed 8 Major Dangers inherent in making it to mega-management accountant status in the hope that you'll ditch devouring that doughnut or re-think revisiting that vending machine.
8 Accounting Whopper Dangers
Take heed! These could happen to you and your co-workers:
being the target of year end jibes from colleagues by posting a negative variance on Repairs and Renewals, due to:
accidentally knocking over cupboards, filing cabinets and other storage units
having to replace ergonomically designed chairs because no longer fit-for-purpose or just demolished during the sitting down process
increased wear and tear on carpets caused by to-and-fro shuffling the 10 yards between your desk and the vending machine
higher call out charges to the vending machine suppliers due to over use
overspending on your Capital Expenditure budget through:
having to get the floor strengthened
refurbishing the office to make it open plan and installing double-doors at all entrances and exits to get you in and out
having to invest in video-conferencing equipment for team meetings because you can no longer get into the Finance Meeting Room next door.
expiring during a Fire Drill after trying to make it down the two flights of stairs to the Accounts Department Rendezvous Point
making it down the stairs in a real fire but getting wedged in the Fire Exit, trapping both you and your colleagues
hospitalising unsuspecting colleagues from Financial Planning & Analysis after trying to overtake en route to the Staff Restaurant, losing your footing on a dropped doughnut and careering out of control
passing out through the exertion of opening the post
risking severe injury from toppling over after tripping on food debris littering your office floor which you can no longer see let alone pick up!
loss of productivity from your team due to frequent requests for assistance to try and winch you up after experiencing point 7.
You have been warned!! It's time to say NO! to becoming an accounting whopper!
WARNING: becoming an oversized accountant is dangerous to both you and your counting colleagues.
