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COUNTING CARNAGE LEAVES BEANS UNCOUNTED
Finance miss month end shocker

an alternative accountant EXCLUSIVE
by Cory Roughcheeks


A FINANCE department was in a state of shock yesterday as it tried to come to terms with a terrible truth: IT HAD MISSED MONTH END.

Carnage
Pitiful, yet controlled, sobs could be heard amid the accounting carnage of unprocessed invoices, unposted journals, unattempted reconciliations and empty arch-lever files.

Witnesses at Ten Tortoises Transport Ltd, based in Bristol, England, talked of fully-qualified accountants tearfully working through meticulous checklists and timetables, nodding in disbelief, trying desperately to understand what had happened.

Silence
"It was terrible", said one onlooker from Sales, who didn't want to be named. "What I've seen today will stay with me for the rest of my life....".
Recovering her composure, the attractive 32-year-old revenue analyst continued: "On a normal month end this place is a hive of...well...silence. But not this month end. I've even heard conversation. Things must be bad."

Late Nights
"You've got to remember that these guys live for the end of the month", she added. "After all, what other profession would self-inflict strict deadlines and late nights, month-in, month-out?"

(Finance Miss Month End - the alternative accountant)

So what happened?

I managed to track down a tubby Assistant Financial Controller, Amanda Cheaplegs.

Frivolous
"Oh God!!", she uttered, almost inconsolable. "One minute we were enjoying some routine and frivolous - but controlled - mute monthly mirth and then....well it just happened.....The month end came and went. It was truly awful!!"

Smudging
Faultering, she continued: "Month ends are....what it's all about.... aren't they?? It's part of the order of life...how could we miss it??!!"

The accounting mother of three then broke down, her tears smudging a tricky-looking spreadsheet, before being comforted by a clearly rattled reconciliations clerk from Accounts Payable.

Scandal
Counting commentators at Ten Tortoises are drawing parallels between this double-entry debacle and the nearly-notorious 'Unsupported Journals' scandal of the 1990s.


A thorough investigation into exactly how this number-crunching nightmare happened is planned once order and control have been restored.

the aa
finance miss month end text © copyright the-alternative-accountant.com 2009


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