21 Law Jokes
"Dear aa, Know any decent law jokes? I've got to give a retirement speech to a colleague and want to lighten things up but don't want to trot out the same old jokes as always."
Sue Freverycent, Head of Legal
Joke 21: What's a lawyer's favourite disaster movie?
Joke 20: What do you call a lawyer who's moved in to the top job at the White House?
Joke 19: Which position do lawyers prefer to play at in a football team?
Joke 18: Did you hear about the softly spoken defendant up in front of the hard of hearing Judge?
Joke 17: Did you hear about the combine harvester driver charged with reckless driving?
Joke 16 : What's the most popular name for female lawyers?
Joke 15: What do you call a Lawyer who has stopped practising?
Joke 14: What's the closest lawyers get to having an orgy?
A Group Action.
Joke 13: Which clients do short lawyers like best?
Joke 12: Why was the DIY-er acquitted after a book case fell on her partner?
Her lawyer argued it was Shelf-Defence.
Joke 11: Did you hear the joke about the interesting commercial lawyer?
No, me neither.
Joke 10: Where did Roger Federer get tried for alleged match-fixing?
Centre Court at Wimbledon.
Joke 9: What do cannibal lawyers do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
Toast their clients.
Joke 8: Crime Quote: "Be courteous to criminals. Let them finish their sentences".
Joke 7: Did you hear about the Judge with shocking punctuation?
He gives very long sentences.
Joke 6: What happens when you lock a wild hyena and a lawyer in a room?
The hyena stops laughing.
Joke 5: How did Santa's lawyers get a Helper acquitted of an assault charge? They argued it was elf-defence.
Joke 4: There are just 3 types of lawyer:
1. Those whose legal opinion you can rely on. 2. Those whose opinion you can't.
Joke 3: Why did the Judge take laxatives at recess? So she could pass judgement.
Joke 2: Which famous lawyer was the first man to run a mile in under 4 minutes?
Joke 1: What legal document gives Santa a monopoly over Christmas presents??
The Santa Clause.
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