9 Retirement Quotes, Sayings and Jokes

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"Remember: when you're over the hill you pick up speed."

RETIREMENT SPEECHES are never easy, but a bit of age-related humour certainly makes them more memorable.

Help yourself to some of the quotes and jokes below and make it a retirement occasion to remember - for all the right reasons!

Accounting Jokes

> Tax Jokes


Top 10:  10 Retirement Highlights to look forward to:

1. elasticated pants

2.  stair lifts

3. reclining chairs

4. selective hearing

5. operations conversations

6. grumpy observations

7. medical stockpiles

8. independence aids

9. honeydo lists

10. discounted lunches

Quote 6: "Depreciation at 50; dilapidation at 60; permanent impairment at 70."

Quote 5"Remember: Getting older isn't so bad when you consider the alternative."


Quote 4: "Remember: when you're over the hill you pick up speed."

Quote 3:  "Statistics show that birthdays are good for you: - those who have the most tend to live the longest."  

Quote 2:  “Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.”   

Quote 1:   “In your retirement never be afraid to try somethimg new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.”    

Joke 2:  What did the accountant do to liven up her retirement party?    Not show up.

Joke 1:  What music do they play at an Accountant's retirement party?    The Last Post.


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