The Best Tax Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant?
She charges an arm and a leg. (23 Apr)

What do cannibal tax advisors do after their Office Christmas Dinner ?
Toast their clients. (23 Apr)

A man goes to the doctor. "Doctor, that medicine you gave me isn't working. Is there anything else I could try?".
"Fill out this tax form," suggests the doctor.
"How's that going to help me?", asks the man.
"I'm not sure," replies the doctor, "but some of my patients say it gives them relief." (13 April)

What's the difference between a dead rat and a dead tax inspector found on the road?

There are skid marks by the rat. (13 April)

Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant?

The tax accountant - they make more deductions. (9 April)

If a tax man and a lawyer were both drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

"Having a good tax accountant sort out my taxes saves me time - about 10 years in fact!!"

How do you know you've got a good tax accountant?
He's had a loophole named after him.

Two junior doctors were involved in a fight in the hospital. A senior consultant had to pull them apart.
"What's all this about?" asked the consultant angrily.
"It's the Tax Inspector in C ward," said one.
"He's only got 2 days to live."
"He had to be told." said the second doctor.
"I know," said the first, "but I wanted to be the one to tell him!"

A woman opens her front door to find a solemn, grey-suited man standing there.

"Are you Mrs Taylor?", asks the man.

"Why, yes? what's wrong?", replies the lady, becoming concerned.

"Well, I have some good news and I have some bad news. Which do you want to hear first?", offers the man.

"Oh my God...the bad news. Tell me the bad news!"

"I'm very sorry madam," he says in a sombre voice," but there's been a terrible accident. Your husband...he's been killed..a lorry....there are bits of him all over the street - it's terrible!"

"No, NO NO!!!!!", screams the wife in despair. After a few minutes she regains her composure and asks quietly. "And what's the good news?"

"Well, the GOOD NEWS is....you're now entitled to the Widow's Bereavement Allowance!" replies the man, his face lighting up. "I'm from the Tax Office, and have brought the forms you need to fill in. May I come in?"

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A man was driving along the road when all of a sudden he has to swerve to avoid a box falling off the lorry in front. Seconds later a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. As the policeman starting writing the ticket he noticed the box was full of nails and tacks.

"I had to serve or I'd have run over those and blown my tyres!" protested the driver.

"Ok", replied the officer, ripping up the ticket, "but I'm still bringing you in."

"What for?!" retorted the man.

"Tacks evasion", answered the policeman.