15 Things NOT To Say To The Auditors

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"You are evil."

What not to say to the auditors

‘You are evil.’

‘We do not speak to those from the dark side.’

‘You won't find it.’

‘You are here! It is a sign! We are fated in the stars!’

‘Finance Director? No, she’s not here. She stopped showing 3 months back.’

‘Who did you say you are again?’

‘Books? Which set do you want?’

‘You may have noticed that my nose is growing somewhat.’

‘The system's going to blow! Run for your lives!’

‘Here’s the narrative to that journal – “Fund Financial Controller’s drug habit.”’

‘£10m journal in Sundries? Looks like one of Mad Mike’s. Boy he was one crazy temp!’

‘Reconciliations file? Will last year’s do?’

‘Material error. Immaterial error. What’s the big deal?’

‘Phew! It’s hot work being at that shredder 24/7.’

‘Any major events in the year? Nothing springs to mind. Oh, I forgot! The CFO went insane for 6 months after all the records were erased by an unauthorised temp in IT, but that’s about it.’

‘You won’t believe this but my teenage son’s learned how to re-program the finance system. How cool is that?’

‘We have prepared a little surprise for you. See if you can find it.’

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